Life lately has been very confusing for me. I don't know if I like it like that. I tend to lead a very organized life...something that I've always loved. But now I'm starting to do different things. For that last idk 12 years I have had very "safe" friends and now I've started hanging out with an somewhat older, "not so safe" crowd. And to be honest I don't know if I like it. I love my "safe" friends, these friends never do anything dangerous or risky...and are pretty much predicable. Where as my "not so safe" friends are willing to be more risky and aren't afraid to do anything dangerous. The last 18 years I have done nothing but play by the rules...and to be quite honest I'm tired of it.
I've recently tried to tell my best friend that I'm pretty much in love with the person, and pretty much know that I'm way too late to be saying anything to this person...because they care a lot (by the sound of it) for another person. It bothers me a bit...but that's my lost. I didn't realize what I had before so therefore I must suffer the consequences. I just hope that we can continue to be friends. I'd really hate to lose such a good friend over something so stupid.
School's out finally. I've dropped my summer class (can't afford to pay for it this summer). I've been working like crazy, averaging 35-40 hours a week. And really enjoying it. Although I'm only getting one day off a week and not really getting a chance to enjoy my money, I really don't mind it. It keeps my mind off of other things. Doesn't really give me time to wallow in my self pity...because that's just pathetic. Plus I have bills to pay and not working doesn't provide any money....or there wouldn't be hobos. So in order to help pay my bills I'm going to pick up a second job for the weekends during the summers, and all week during the winter months. So my schedule would be working 40 hours at my first job then on Fri, Sat, and Sun working open-4ish the 4ish-close at my second job. I know that it sounds like a lot but I don't really care. I'll have money to pay everything and still pay my tuition in the fall. At least it's honest money.
Now that school's out I love it. I can get up early and work out our I can just lay in bed and not worry about it. My car went to the shop and I miss it already and it's only been gone for 2 days . Well I must go to bed. I gotta work tomorrow. Nights.